Forever Grateful... Gifts of a Deaf Daughter

by Benna Timperlake Benna Timperlake was president of the American Society for Deaf Children from 1994-1996. A resident of Corpus Christi, Texas, she is the mother of three children, including 11-year-old Genelle who is deaf.

I am forever grateful for the gifts which raising a deaf daughter has brought to me, simply because she cannot hear and I cannot be deaf. All parents have a golden opportunity to learn from their children as they experience raising them from infancy to adulthood. All parents can expect to learn about baby food, child behaviors, illnesses, exercises, and also about the heros, movies, and songs of childhood. Much of this we experienced ourselves when we were children, and this helps give us understanding. When the child we are raising happens to be deaf or hard of hearing and we happen to be hearing, some of their experiences will be much different than ours. We are confronted with new information, and we need new knowledge in order to handle the situation. The ways we handle this have a great impact on the whole family.

The experiences our family has had since learning that our oldest daughter is deaf have been very positive and added greatly to our lives. Taking a positive attitude toward the challenges of raising Genelle has given me innumerable valuable experiences and knowledge, and has enhanced our family in many ways.

First Bonus: New Language
The first bonus from Genelle was the addition of a second language to our English-based home. As she is the only deaf person in our family, we sign for her benefit. Thus we all had a need to learn new language and communication skills. As beginners, we took it one word at a time. Now, after eight years of practice, all of us know some signs. Dad may be the least proficient, but he never hesitates to communicate. Mom has a state level interpreting certificate, and brother and sister sign well enough to hold conversations with deaf adults.

Signs are a valued addition in our communication. We are the family that can communicate across the park and in the quiet of the library. When mom has to reprimand in public, signs suffice for private but firm correction--and can be much less embarrassing.

Blessing of Educating Others
We have been blessed with many opportunities to educate people, strangers and friends, about people who are deaf. Most of our experiences with strangers have been fun and interesting. There may be occasional people who pity "the poor deaf girl" --until they understand that she is normal, bilingual, and bicultural! Much more often, parents tell me that they wish their family could sign the way we do. They can see sign isn't reserved as a way to teach our daughter, but a vibrant second language that is part of our lives.

Gift of Deaf Culture
Another great gift from our daughter has been our introduction into the culture of Deaf people. Anyone can learn about deaf people, but few really becomes part of this culture unless he or she is deaf. Genelle is our ticket to accessing a unique and beautiful heritage. Without her, and without respect for other values, we could not belong. We have tried to learn about the history and culture of the Deaf community in a variety of ways. Genelle taught us a lot through her school lessons and her interactions with her teachers and friends. But when we attend parties and functions with deaf adults and families, our rate of learning really jumps.

The benefit of embracing Deaf culture is that as a bicultural family, we develop respect for all kinds of differences among people. Our children see that both Deaf culture and American mainstream culture have value for our family, and that these two can overlap or disagree, and there is no insult.

We make it a priority to learn all we can about deaf people and deaf education. There are times when the burden of all this new information is tiring--times when it seems to be easier to ignore the "deaf" part of Genelle. I wouldn't be normal if sometimes I didn't want it to be easier. But in the long term picture, I can see that Genelle benefits from being proud of herself as a positive deaf person. She has normal frustrations from being different, yet her pride in herself gives her the resilience to make it through the frustrations and she usually comes up with a healthy way to cope with life's struggles.

Extensive Support
Another very special reward has been the extensive support group we have found throughout the country. We sought out parents of deaf children from the beginning. These parents gave me the confidence to raise a happy, healthy Genelle. Seeing their success made me know my own success was possible. The local parent groups provided us access to the deaf community, tons of supportive listening, and organized workshops. Our confidence increased through knowledge. As we progressed from "newly identified" to "experienced" parents, we made friends with whom we are bonded by common experience.

The American Society of Deaf Children (ASDC) was particularly important in our lives. ASDC sponsors newsletters full of articles written by experienced parents and conventions where we gained friends from around the country. What a benefit for our family that going these conventions together to learn about deaf issues is something we all enjoy rather than resent. The children can't wait for the next convention so they can go and see their friends.

Genelle has truly given much to our family. As she enters her 11th year, she is confident of herself and her ability, able to deal well with people who are deaf and people who are hearing. She has the gifts of dual cultures, languages, and friendships. And she has broadened our lives to include these wonderful gifts as well. Thank you, Genelle.

I am forever grateful for the gifts which raising a deaf daughter has brought to me, simply because she cannot hear and I cannot be deaf.